and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize