i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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