She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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