My liver just broke up with me...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize