I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
