Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
