i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
