guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
