I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
