checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So many bounce houses so little time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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