if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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