sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
wow bdsm is so cute
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
