I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
