We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
