yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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