Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
