There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
