why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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