Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
