I am spending my child support on dildos
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
