he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Mom said you looked used
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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