it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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