speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
