He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
