I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
