How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
