Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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