Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
