Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
