Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
