we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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