here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize