The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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