Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
