i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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