Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
