i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
