Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
