So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
