Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
