i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
