ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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