At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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