I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
