An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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