All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
