i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
