hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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