i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize