I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
