the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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