I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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