Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
