A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
