Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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