Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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