Kiss
Puke
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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