you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
