It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
