I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
