can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
