she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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