one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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