I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
