she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
