if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
