I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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