he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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