WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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