I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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