I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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