Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
