Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The Olympian is in my bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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