i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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