I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
