youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
