Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
