I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
