:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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