Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
