Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
