I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
