you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize