I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
