you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
