So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
