oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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