I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
