you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
