FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
