the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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