He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
