I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
