what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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